She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
