Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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