I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
