I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
