she told me i tasted like america
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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