U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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