He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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