take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I supernannyed him into submission
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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