no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we have officially lost it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
