Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
