u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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