That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
