last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
