i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The best revenge is premature balding
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
