you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
