my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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