it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We left an ass print on the piano.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
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Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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