You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
