i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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