my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
