I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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