Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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