Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
