Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
