Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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