You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
