Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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