i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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