maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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