I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
