I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
