You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
