How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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