I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Less talking, more tequila
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
