thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
