i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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