I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
