Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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