Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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