I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm sobbing to NWA
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
