My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
