These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
