don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
