my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize