call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
im on a boat
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