and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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