I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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