so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
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I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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