I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
