I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
