I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
