Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
