I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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