Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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