in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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