Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
