you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
