Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
