Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
