final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
