I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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