I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
