So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
