It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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