my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
