when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Do vagina's smell?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
