Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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