Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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