oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
