she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
