i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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