youre lurking in front of me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize