Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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