I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
