I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
