he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
