Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
