I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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