Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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