Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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